October & November Update / Thoughts about adoption

I hope this finds you well and living in the goodness of Jesus. Our life has been uneventful, but fulfilling. We have moved into our new home and totally love it; it’s bright, open, and best of all, packed with people every Thursday night for small group. We always want our home, in whatever capacity, to be open for people, to be a safe place and a welcoming place. As we are blessed with space, so we give it back. Our cups runneth over with those who enter and we are grateful for every guest who finds refuge here.

We will cut our Christmas tree down next week, and once it’s up and decorated, I’ll post some photos. Of course, I would much rather have you walk through the door and sit in our living room. You are welcome any time for any reason at all. This Saturday is our town’s 79th Annual Starlighting. The entire town shuts down and we gather in the downtown square and read a poem, sing Silent Night, and count down the lighting of the huge star that sits on THE Castle Rock. It is the biggest event of the entire year in our little town. You can read more about the history here. I am so excited and I will likely cry through the entire thing. Sure, it’s a bit hokey, but I’m all about hokey.

One of my best friends and I are planning a trip to Europe in February and I’m really looking forward to that! I’m mostly looking forward to a beer and pretzel, followed by chocolate cake in Germany. Is that stereotypical of me to think that? Is that like every other place in the world thinking that Americans only eat burgers? Because that’s true. I eat a lot of burgers. Regardless, I’m thrilled.

Our families are doing well. My daddy is finally recovering from his broken leg back in February, mama is enjoying her time with committees and ministry, which she’ll do until she dies. The little boys are doing great too! Karson is finally tall enough to see the top of the pool table and Kaiden is a world famous scientist in the world of 6 year olds. Dillon’s younger brother Jake is finally home from his trip and I’m exhaling for a successfully safe trip across the United States. Their parents’ businesses are growing wildly, and their ambition and dreams course through Dillon’s soul just as much.

The weather is balmy, about 60* during the day, and in the 30s once the sun goes down. Last week, we got roped into the polar vortex and it reached a high of 0 degrees one day, sans wind chill. It was my most favorite day, I love the shift in seasons.

If I may also shift direction of this post, I’d like to share my heart. I don’t think I have a whole lot of readers, so I like to use this space as a canvas where my heart and mind can collide and make sense of things. If you read this along the way, welcome in to my soul.

For my entire life, I’ve always known I will adopt. It’s always been a part of my story, and as Dj and I grow in Christ, it’s become ours. God has moved in Dillon’s heart immensely, as in mine. We will adopt.

The way I see it, adoption is Christ.

If I get the pleasure and honor of being a mother via adoption, it will be beautiful and exciting and a moment of straight up goodness from God.

But there is heartbreak first. A mother must give up her child, hoping that by her choice, this child will have a fighting chance.

Her heartbreak is my hope.

Isn’t that Jesus on the cross? God gave up His son, that by that sacrifice something beautiful would come of it. It was painful and hard but it changed the world.

I hope to replicate that in my small, insignificant life. That by a woman’s sacrifice, something beautiful would come of it. It will be painful and hard, but it will change the world for that child and for our family. 

I think of her often. If we adopt, when? How old is our birthmother right now? Is she 5? Is she 15? What is her family life like? Does she love Jesus? Does the father of her child love her?

It breaks my heart that something I desire so strongly in life comes at the cost of a broken life for her. If I believe that God has called me into adoption, then I must also believe that God has called this girl into a scary life…brave, yet hard decisions have to be made.

I pray for this girl, whomever she may be, wherever she might be. Whenever our worlds finally cross paths, I will hug her and tell her that I have prayed for her for years, and I thank God that she is a pure reflection of redemption.

Goodnight, all.

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